I'm so damn happy
by Oustiti
Summary: Frank Archer. One-shot written for a challenge. I'm married to Archer. With lyrics from Liam Lynch. Just really some harmless fun. Funny and Humour. Please R&R! It's better then it sounds.


**Authors note:  
**Okay this story is written for a challenge. The challenge was write a one-shot song fic in which you have somekind of relationschip, preferable be married, to one of the FMA chara's. It had to be funny and have a bit of conversation in it and this is what I made out of it.

**I'm so damn happy**

It will always keep surprising me how life can sometimes take odd twists. One moment you are out there trying to change the world. Having high ideals, you're going to change the world and help, making it a better place. You will fight till the end for everything that is good and pure in this world. Yes, one moment you are a world changer, the next you are at home taking care of four kids.

**I am really special cuz there's only one of me  
look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me  
when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song  
it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long**

Yes one moment you have your entire life before you and the next you are just a pitiful pile of misery.  
Now don't get me wrong. I love my four little angels.  
Maybe I should first tell you how I got to this point.

Everybody knows those perfect love stories. You meet someone and it's love at first sight. But it can't happened that quickly otherwise it wouldn't be romantic enough. The first time you just glance at each other while passing by and during that one second your world seems to be turned upside down. The face hunts you, you can think of nothing else anymore than his eyes, He haunts you, he tortures you, such a sweet torture. You become a complete addict of it and wish nothing more than meeting him again. And then you do.  
Life is full of coincidence and this is just another one of those. Just when you least expect it, when you had given up all hope for that one of kind romance, you meet him again. Him saving your guts when you were in need of it. And the through perfect love story really starts now. You have your perfect young love and even through time the love stays just as strong, no it will even burn harder than ever. You love each other and get many kids and live happily ever after.

Yes that is the perfect love story, but it isn't mine, mine is the exact opposite of it.

**oh oh oh I'm so happy, I can barely breathe  
puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth  
watch out all you mothers, I'm happy as hardcore  
happy as a coupon for a 20 whore**

Yes my story is the complete opposite of the prince charming on his white stallion classic fairytale. But then again I've always been warned to stop dreaming, life isn't a fairytale. It is nightmare.

But still sometimes nightmares can resemble fairytales a lot. On a bitter sweet way. And that is just the same way my 'fairy nightmare' began.

When I saw him the first time, the first glance as we passed each other in the halls of the HQ. I shall never forget that moment. I never thought I would hate someone more in my life than I hated him. Yes I despised him. His cold dead eyes, his ice cold voice that send chills down my spine and froze my bones, His face hunted me, in my nightmares. I could think about nothing else than the worries that _that_ man would actually one day attain his goal. Little did I know back then that I would be throwing everything away one day for that man.

He did torture me. Both while hunting me as in the office. Me getting transferred didn't really help that either. I became the subordinate of the devil in person and I started to hate that man even more than I ever thought it was humanly possible to hate.

_"I hate you." Is hissed through my teeth at the man in front of me._

_He just grinned in response. His usual cold charming grin. "The feeling is mutual." He answered dead calm._

Yes hate. It's one of those little sinful feelings you have when being human. Hate and love are known as two complete opposites. But then again don't they say that opposites attract.

_My heart beaded madly in my chest as he had me trapped against the wall. I couldn't help but wonder how I had ever been able to let it get this far._

Lust…another of those deliciously wrong sins. The animal inside, that is where everything started to go wrong…

**I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,  
happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy**

It was against the rules, it was against nature, against my morals I had always believed in so much. But for some men rules mean nothing, and he is one of those. Rules were neglected, morals put aside and the world change for ever…

**' I can't do this, man. I'm not happy.'**

Yes I'm happy now. I have 4 beautiful children. The oldest is so much like me. He will become a world changer, that is if he never meets someone to fall for. Because when they say falling for someone they do really meaning _falling_.  
The twins are rather neutral. They are two little playful devils but they always know when it's too much. Yes I did quite a good job raising those two, even if I say so myself.  
The youngest, our only daughter, takes after her father. She's downright evil. Evil I tell you. Her first word were 'kill that bastard'. I'm asking you what kind of child has that as first words?! One more reason why you should believe your husby when they say they are not good at taking care of the kids and tuck them in with a bedtime stories.  
But anyway I love all four of them just like they are. Though if they try to burn the house down again and my 'loving other half' is complimenting them for it then some punishments will be dealt with.

**I am really special, cuz there's only one of me  
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me  
These are my lovehandles, and this is my spout,  
but if you tip me over, than mama said knock you out**

But never less I'm happy with my life. I'm really damned happy, why do people keep asking if I am frustrated? Do I look bloody frustrated to you?? Cause I am not.  
I got used to my husband trying to kill the hero's of the country. Hey cut him some slack every story needs a villain and someone had to sacrifice to be that person. So he might just be a minor baddy but he tries his best. Though it's one more reason to worry. I don't mind him being evil, you get used to it but the problem is villains always die certainly the minors. But then again maybe as this is a 'fairy nightmare' things will be different.

Okay so I was wrong.  
It wasn't. Ow well I guess it could be worse. Many soldiers who go to the battlefront don't come back at all so what's so bad about my husby coming back as half canon?  
The twins though it was cool. Our oldest son however was deeply shocked and went into a moral lecture. The brave little wannabe hero, I'm so proud of him. Our youngest was even more enthusiastic than the twins. She immediately started planning how she would lose some limbs as well so she could have fashioned mass destruct weapon's attached to her body and have one more reason to be the frustrated baddy. At least on this one my husby agreed that she wasn't allowed anything like it till she was out of the house. And considering her laziness maybe there is still some hope I'll die because of a stroke before I have to go through that as well.  
Well even though he's more insane as ever, half machine and more forwards as usual at least the automails have _some_ charms.

**I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave  
welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave  
I am happy, I am good, I am...**

Frustrated. I couldn't remember when we last had such a big fight. Meaning me trying to yell some sense in him and him just standing there looking something between amused and annoyed.  
It was the night of the revolution. Things were going to change tonight, and he was right. Thing did change.

For starters he didn't come back. I never thought I would actually miss his cold sarcastic smile yet I do. An ex college of me finished my delicious addictive bitter sweet nightmare for me. I must remember to thank her for that and yell at her at the same time.

Now just to figure out how to convince my youngest not to take revenge before her 18.

**'I'm Outta Here! Screw You!'**

XXX

**Authors note:**  
Okay so in case it wasn't clear I was married to Frank Archer, widow at this point. Just to be clear Archer is far from my favourites. Actually he's a creep and I kinda hate his guts but he has this creepy vampire jerk charms so I though why not.  
I hope you guys like it a bit. I tried to write a funny yet a bit sad and oddly romantic fic. XP  
I picked the 'Happy song' by 'Liam Lynch' because I thought this kind of 'wanna-make-everything-sound-better-than-it-is-yet-so-frustrated' song would fit the situation of being married to someone as Archer.  
And yes I had a bit conversation in it. I said I hate you and he said likewhilse. -.-"  
In case you care, my wonderful challenger said that my narrative writing was good. Cheers happely.  
Please R&R or visit the FMA board to see what the others made out of it or find more challenges. Look at my profile for the link.


End file.
